She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
