Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
