Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
