laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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