Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
