She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
