Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
