Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
