It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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