My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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