My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
