i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
