I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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