Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
