I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
