My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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