who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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