You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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