why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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