I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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