I just saw a hot homeless man
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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