no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
