Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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