She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
