Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize