Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
