It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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