But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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