Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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