When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
