i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
where are you?
Hypothermia
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
