Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
