well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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