She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
