we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I understand Curling. That high.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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