Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
