toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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