turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
