So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
