You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
