im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
