Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
