Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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