I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
