Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
