I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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