New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I fill condoms, not promises.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
