When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
