dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
