I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Randomize
