I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
