he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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