why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
