Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
