You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
