have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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