my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
