mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
