You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
