I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
