After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
