It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
FUCK WHALES
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
