I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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