she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
