so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
