Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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