just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize