my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
