The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
